Playdates with Twins

I am convinced that the only way to have successful playdates at home with twins is to have two friends over. A friend of mine who has older twin girls suggested this to me years ago...she even believes in it so much that while she was an expat in England, she bought a mini-van to haul 4+ kids around, even though vehicles as large as mini-vans are not that popular in England! I've resisted the two friend playdate for a long time, mostly because it's hard enough to coordinate a playdate with one friend, let alone trying to find a time that works for two friends at the same time. But, over the past couple of months, I've somehow been lucky enough to coordinate a bunch of two friend playdates, and they've worked really well!

Before two-friend playdates, one or the other of my girls was invariably left out. At which point, she would find her way to me and spend the rest of the day whining and complaining. I would suggest some techniques for getting her included again. Off she would go to try, and much yelling and slamming of doors and stomping of feet would follow. And a few minutes later, usually the same girl, but sometimes the other one, would be flying into my arms with yet another tale of woe. Not only did I feel bad for the friend who was getting stuck in the middle, my daughters weren't having a lot of fun, and I was unable to get anything done...way worse than when it's just the two of them home for the day. Is it a wonder that I would go months between playdates???

Interestingly, these same friends' parents report that if both of my girls are at their house (so still a group of three friends, total), these same type of arguments don't occur. My theory goes back to the same dominance issue I discussed earlier: at home, the girls see themselves as equally dominant and both want to be in control. At a friends' house, the friend is dominant, and they're willing to do what she wants. Or, play by themselves with all of her cool toys, as was often the case at our former neighbor's house! And, maybe, just maybe, a little bit of the manners lesson of "please behavior better when you're not at home than you do at home" has sunk in. I suspect it's the dominance issue or cool toys ideas that are the root, though!

With a 2 friend playdate, the four kids actually play! Almost always all 4 together, and all afternoon, or all day, or even all through a sleepover, without fighting! I'm not sure I understand it, because the same activities that one daughter absolutely can't abide by with one friend over are often the same activities that all 4 girls engage in willingly. Whatever the cause, it's wonderful! I definitely would not have had the time to learn about podcasting and take photos of artwork this afternoon if S & J hadn't had two friends over!